Oh, Boy…

Well, I made it through the night– and now I’ll have to make it through the day, too. Vlad is coming over, and it is going to be hard to stay awake. However, it is a necessary thing, because it will put me on a good schedule again… I have to go to my dad’s house tomorrow morning to get my oil changed. I’ve been running the car pretty hard, even knowing that it needed an oil change.

I believe I am insane when it comes to my cars. I name them. Just like my knives, I just have to name them. I have dual daggers named Kono and Hana (anyone who knows Japanese will tell you that they respectively mean “that” and “flower”, however, together, “konohana” is the name of an important figure in Shinto belief, if I am not mistaken. Others might recognize it as the woodsprite from Okami). My pocket-knife’s name is Shiko (as in Death-child). And I have an ornamental katana named Kekkon (which could either translate to bloodstain or marriage. The scabbard and hilt have red speckles on them, like blood, hence the name. But the potential double meaning of the word prompted me to write a story when I got it well over a year ago).

As for cars, my first one I named Senri, which basically means “one thousand units of travel” which was ironic, because I only had him for a week before he was rendered undrivable by means out of my control. No, I didn’t wreck him. He wrecked himself. He was not much younger than me. Next was Kyou, which at the time I mistakenly thought meant “strength” but learned that it meant “today”. Woops. After I crashed Kyou, I eventually ended up with my current car. I waffled back and forth over what to name her, and eventually decided on “Ashita” which means “tomorrow”. See what I did there?

But yes. This had absolutely no relevance whatsoever to anything. It is just an amusing story about how I name just about everything that I love. (In fact, my guitar was named after a character I never got to add into a story. Zucotzo. It doesn’t mean anything. I just liked how it sounded, but never got to use it because I scrapped his story. I also have a hand-blown glass dagger that’s handle is a purple dragon with gilded horns. I named him Spyro, of course!) This post is mainly to keep me awake until Vlad gets here. What we will do today, I don’t know. Probably game, watch funny videos, and go out to eat… so I should be kept awake fairly easy, as long as I’m entertained. Wish me luck!


Never Been This Happy to be This Tired

I’m home from work, making something to eat before I pass out. I have a feeling that I will sleep well tonight. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve weathered this storm, and, although I’m not out of it, I can see the sun peaking through the clouds ahead. And I think I’ll pray tonight about my dreams. I work again tomorrow, and sleeping worth nothing won’t help me perform well. I need to sleep like the dead– not dream of them.

I hope my appetite comes back, too. Over the past month, ever since I lost my job, I not was not only unable to sleep well, but eat, as well. If my mom and my boyfriend hadn’t fed me, I would have probably eaten once per two days– as it was, I was eating perhaps once or twice a day. Light-headed-ness is commonplace, as is constant fatigue and the inability to eat more than a few bites at a time, most times.

That is coming from the person who can eat like a pig normally. I am a speedy and vicious eater. Eating is my comfort– and I pretty much stopped eating altogether, something I never thought I would do. I just didn’t desire food, and knew that all I had was ramen. Ramen is good, you know, but when you eat it every meal for weeks it gets really gross. I realized I could barely taste anything I ate anymore. I was depressed, and comfort food was no longer an option. I have lost weight! I looked in the mirror this morning and did a double take. I look good! Not emaciated, just slightly less pudgy.

Anyway, I’m mostly just typing so I don’t fall asleep and let the pot boil itself empty. But I’m shaking too hard to fall asleep– why am I shaking?!– so I don’t need to worry.

So, thank you to everyone who has supported me! You really have no idea how much it means to me. I feel like I am part of a family, here. I have been welcomed– something that I practically never feel in real life (other than meeting my in-laws. I am blessed in that aspect).

The Worst Has Happened…

Ever been so tired that not even videos of cute kittens and their hilarious antics could keep you awake? I mean KITTENS, man! You can’t not laugh at kittens!

But I’m staying up all day today. No more daytime sleeping– it doesn’t work out well, you know. I tried to sleep yesterday and got about 7 calls from colleges that I had apparently signed up to learn about. That was because the first guy who called pretty much wouldn’t let me get off, even if I was pretty blunt about it, until I told him my address and signed me up for what will probably be another 300 college brochures in my mailbox.

Seriously, so many! I felt like every time I would doze off, another college would call. And to make it worse, when they finally stopped, my mom texted me and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was trying to sleep. So she called me. And talked to me until I was fully awake.

I love my mom, and I love talking to her, but I wish that she could have just taken note of what she wanted to talk about and then talk about it later… because I ended up unable to go back to sleep again, and stayed up all night– once again– as a result. So I have been up for quite a while… but I should be used to it, right?

And since I told all the colleges that they woke me up, I’m expecting them to all call this afternoon, probably all at once, with my luck. A few of them are really nice to talk to– in fact, I made friends with one of them– and it is pretty much the high point of my day to talk to him.

Anyway, I digress. I am sleep deprived, and can no longer find amusement with funny videos, thus I had to rant about the cause of my sleep deprivation.

I must go before I start on again…