I’m Baaaaaaack (with an all-new and extremely awesome project)

I really have no excuse for that long absence. Seriously, I don’t– and I’m sorry. However, I have done lots of stuff since the last time I posted. I had his a block in my life in most manners. I had no money, no food, and my creativity was starting to dwindle due to the fear and depression. My hours got cut at my job because we weren’t getting much business, but I understand that. I’m just glad I still have a job.

However, I won’t be getting anywhere with my debt unless I start making more money, so…. I applied for a third-shift job at walmart. They called me back before I could call them. I went through the interview, took the drug test, and Friday, I will go to orientation. After that, the real war will begin. Once I get the hang of working there (and sleeping only when I get the chance– my life will seem similar to the song Caffeine by Psychostick), I expect my hours at Subway will increase back to normal.

I’m enjoying sleep while I can, knowing that I won’t have time to after this week. Of course, I am also saying this because I want to keep blogging as well– perhaps before I pass out each morning/evening.

If I can just pull this off, I will be able to get out of debt within a few months, of this I am confident, and then I’ll be able to start saving up. I’ll be able to buy myself things, and perhaps I can buy my own house, away from noise. In the future, I guess I could always just rent it out if I move, or sell it when I decide to move far away. But I’d like to own something, you know?

Eh, as you can see, my ambitions have increased. My funds, hopefully, will too. I’ll be able to afford to study programming, and I’ll start trying again to learn Japanese, now that I have a friend who wants to learn it with me– and that brings me to my next topic.

You may have noticed that when I start writing a story, I stop working on it soon after having started. That happens a lot for me. I have been writing since 3rd grade, and have started at least 25 stories– and never finished a one. Sure, I’ve completed 2 written manuscripts, and another story is entirely typed except for ONE MAJOR EVENT, but, well… I think I am afraid of success, or something. I’m afraid of what comes after, and I’m terrified that, since I can’t afford to publish them, one of the “free publishing companies” will rip me off. I’m just… terrified of losing my stories to someone else. That’s another reason why I don’t share them.

But after I stopped writing Zetty’s story (which you can find entombed at http://zettytrat.tumblr.com/) I began working on a vampire story (that is sparkle-free, btw) and then, once that left my head— BOOM! Headshot. Something snuck into my brain and took me apart from the inside out. It was so amazing that I sat and wrote out a glossary, and then character profiles, and then looked up tons and tons of Tribal Tattoos and other Tribal markings. I was obsessed with this idea. In love with it.

And then I let two of my friends in on it. One says, Awesome! Can’t wait to read it. The other says, This would make an awesome TRPG, or video game. (TRPG is a table top roleplaying game, for those of you unfamiliar with them) This friend is who got me into TRPGs, namely with Tenra Bansho Zero. His idea of my new story becoming an in-depth TRPG stunned me– and then I started thinking how awesome it would be. So now he an I are working on the system, using such amazing role models for TRPGs such as Tenra Bansho Zero, Call of Cthulhu, and of course D&D. We’ve come up with many unique ideas, and we have a lot of ground to cover. A lot.

Updates on the new story will be on another blog, http://fideandfear.wordpress.com/, where this aforementioned friend is an administrator as well, so if I am working too much and can’t update, he can. So, yeah. Once we get some things figured out, and COPYRIGHTED, I’ll start posting story notes, and perhaps the glossary, and maybe some other things to that blog. Keep an ear to the ground, because once we get everything fleshed out, we are going to use Kickstarter to fund our project. We will definitely have rewards for donors, including a copy of the novel, once I finish it (and I can’t stop working on it. He’s keeping me on target), and other bonuses. This is going to be incredibly fun, if a lot of work. Please support us in this, and give us some feedback! And, of course, leave comments on this blog and that one asking any questions you may have. And, finally, one last thing, when I learn programming and such, I do indeed intend to make this an actual game. Perhaps a PC game that will extend to consoles if it is a success. I, myself, am leaning more toward the PS4, but that’s just me.

So for now, I leave you with the encouragement to follow this project, and tell me what you think! Don’t worry, Zetty’s story isn’t dead, I’m just stepping away from it for now.

I am also not giving up on my gaming channel. Once I get out of debt, I’m buying the hardware and software I need to do that. First thing, I promise.

Advertisements

Inspiring Song of the Week– Sorry! (WORLDUNITE by Neko)

I tried to post this twice. I thought it worked, but I was wrong.
This is another song by Neko, who brought us Remember and my favorite version of Ponponpon. I recently discovered that this is all just the one guy. The instruments, the screaming and singing, it is shockingly all done by the one guy. That is impressive! Take notes, pop artists! Talent, good lyrics, quality sound, and ACTUAL FEELING when you sing. That is what modern pop seems to be lacking. Or maybe it’s just me.
Anyway, about the song itself, the title says it all. WORLDUNITE by Neko. Be sure to look for more of their songs. I definitely will be.
I didn’t sub this video. I take no credit for anything other than posting it for you peoples to listen to and enjoy. And I’m rambling.

Never Been This Happy to be This Tired

I’m home from work, making something to eat before I pass out. I have a feeling that I will sleep well tonight. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve weathered this storm, and, although I’m not out of it, I can see the sun peaking through the clouds ahead. And I think I’ll pray tonight about my dreams. I work again tomorrow, and sleeping worth nothing won’t help me perform well. I need to sleep like the dead– not dream of them.

I hope my appetite comes back, too. Over the past month, ever since I lost my job, I not was not only unable to sleep well, but eat, as well. If my mom and my boyfriend hadn’t fed me, I would have probably eaten once per two days– as it was, I was eating perhaps once or twice a day. Light-headed-ness is commonplace, as is constant fatigue and the inability to eat more than a few bites at a time, most times.

That is coming from the person who can eat like a pig normally. I am a speedy and vicious eater. Eating is my comfort– and I pretty much stopped eating altogether, something I never thought I would do. I just didn’t desire food, and knew that all I had was ramen. Ramen is good, you know, but when you eat it every meal for weeks it gets really gross. I realized I could barely taste anything I ate anymore. I was depressed, and comfort food was no longer an option. I have lost weight! I looked in the mirror this morning and did a double take. I look good! Not emaciated, just slightly less pudgy.

Anyway, I’m mostly just typing so I don’t fall asleep and let the pot boil itself empty. But I’m shaking too hard to fall asleep– why am I shaking?!– so I don’t need to worry.

So, thank you to everyone who has supported me! You really have no idea how much it means to me. I feel like I am part of a family, here. I have been welcomed– something that I practically never feel in real life (other than meeting my in-laws. I am blessed in that aspect).