Please Read

Calling on all you internet angels out there…a really sweet lady and a friend of mine received the Christmas gift of a lifetime; a kidney transplant. She has been in kidney failure since 2010 and the procedure was the only thing (along with constant dialysis treatments) that could save her life.

A costly miracle though, for a family on a very limited budget. If anyone wants to help make her burden a bit lighter, it would mean a great deal to her and her family. Please consider giving what you can.

The donation website that her sister made for her:  www.giveforward.com/fundraiser…

 

I found this on my friend’s deviantART page. If you yourself can’t donate, share this post– get it noticed! Someone you know might be able to help!

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Must Sleep

I don’t understand this, but lately I have been getting more sleep than ever, and eating more than ever. Perhaps it is the promise of large meals that is keeping my stomach noisy, but in any case, it is becoming annoying… Anyway, I’m going to go to sleep, and when I wake up, I will have to do a laundry list of things… Tomorrow will be my actual Thanksgiving day, and then I will most likely have a second one on Saturday. In other words, by time Monday rolls around, I will have consumed enough turkey to last until next year. Best thing about Thanksgiving: leftovers.

Why I Haven’t Been Posting Much

I am easily distracted, I will admit that. The list of things I want to do are ever growing, and yet time and family and friends and sleeping limit what I actually can do. There was a time when I was posting multiple things a day on here, and checking two or three times to make sure everything was properly spelt and capitalized. It seems I just rushed it, so that way whoever is reading would have the illusion that I was here. But I haven’t been “here” in a while. My mind wanders here, but I seem to lose my ideas as soon as the page loads.

I started about a dozen posts, and then scrapped them because I completely forgot what I was going to write about. I do this every day when talking to people, so I’m used to it in that context, however my computer, my keyboard… That is my safe place. My ideas flow easily from my fingertips to the keys, and since I can keep up with my mind when I type (can’t say the same for writing by hand– carpal tunnel to prove it) I am not used to having the problem of uninspired, generic posts. I mean, if I got on Facebook (God forbid), a couple of these posts seem like a common post you’d find on there.

That is unacceptable.

So, perhaps the reason I’ve halted on so many of those potential posts was because, if I were reading that post, I would not even care. That is the definition of Facebook: People you like say things that usually make you wonder why you like them– or is it just me?

At least I won’t sink so low that I start making posts about the food I’m eating, although I admit groaning about how there’s no food in the house is a bit worse.

In conclusion… I am apologizing for my neglect of My Only Reality. When I get home from work, I need to start working on next week’s Inspiring Video, so that way I don’t end up almost a week late again. I need to get back in the game, not forcefully, but not halfheartedly, either.

I will be thinking while I’m at work. If anyone has any suggestions for me, whether it be a question, or encouragement, or even a request for the next Inspiring Video, please don’t hesitate! I love hearing from people, and I love knowing that people still read these long-winded posts (Readers Unite)!

Never Been This Happy to be This Tired

I’m home from work, making something to eat before I pass out. I have a feeling that I will sleep well tonight. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve weathered this storm, and, although I’m not out of it, I can see the sun peaking through the clouds ahead. And I think I’ll pray tonight about my dreams. I work again tomorrow, and sleeping worth nothing won’t help me perform well. I need to sleep like the dead– not dream of them.

I hope my appetite comes back, too. Over the past month, ever since I lost my job, I not was not only unable to sleep well, but eat, as well. If my mom and my boyfriend hadn’t fed me, I would have probably eaten once per two days– as it was, I was eating perhaps once or twice a day. Light-headed-ness is commonplace, as is constant fatigue and the inability to eat more than a few bites at a time, most times.

That is coming from the person who can eat like a pig normally. I am a speedy and vicious eater. Eating is my comfort– and I pretty much stopped eating altogether, something I never thought I would do. I just didn’t desire food, and knew that all I had was ramen. Ramen is good, you know, but when you eat it every meal for weeks it gets really gross. I realized I could barely taste anything I ate anymore. I was depressed, and comfort food was no longer an option. I have lost weight! I looked in the mirror this morning and did a double take. I look good! Not emaciated, just slightly less pudgy.

Anyway, I’m mostly just typing so I don’t fall asleep and let the pot boil itself empty. But I’m shaking too hard to fall asleep– why am I shaking?!– so I don’t need to worry.

So, thank you to everyone who has supported me! You really have no idea how much it means to me. I feel like I am part of a family, here. I have been welcomed– something that I practically never feel in real life (other than meeting my in-laws. I am blessed in that aspect).

Here’s Hoping

Well, here we are again. I woke up just a little while ago, and now I’m about to take some z-quil to go back to sleep. Hopefully, when I get up, I’ll have enough time to do everything I need to do, and then feel like sleeping when I am done. Seriously.

Also, I am making a pizza to eat while I wait for the medicine to kick in. You don’t really realize how little you’ve eaten until you put it in perspective. I haven’t eaten in at least 12 hours, and if I don’t eat before I go to sleep, it will probably have been about 24 hours. But, being as how I have been following that pattern for weeks now, I find it hard to notice.

I wonder if it is normal to simply not want to eat anymore– this coming from an emotional eater. Even my boyfriend commented that I was getting lighter when he picked me up. He kept hoisting me around “So light!” He kept saying. “Are you hollow?”

I sighed and nodded and he hugged me and said sorry.

If it weren’t for him and my mom, I wouldn’t have eaten anything at all, barely, since I lost my job over a month ago. As for those two jobs whose interviews went so well, neither have called me back yet, so I have to go into Persistent Mode.

That is my plan for tomorrow, put in more applications, and show up at both places. One, if I am tenacious enough, will give me the job immediately, but the other requires paperwork, a drug test, and a background check– all of which don’t bother me. The worst blemish on my record is being fired. But that’s why I’m having trouble. Which is sad.

So, here’s hoping that, thanks to z-quil, I will be able to get some sleep at night, for a change, and get a job tomorrow. After all, I like posting good news here. It sucks to not have any.