Let it Ensue.

Well, over the course of one day and a sleepless night, I proofread, edited, and FINALLY FINISHED THE STORY of The Door. Yes, I finally finished. That makes it the first story I’ve ever entirely finished. In entirety. Ever, so far. I will remind you that I’ve been writing stories since 3rd grade.

So, yeah. In the near future, maybe I’ll find a publisher that can help me out– and then we’ll have ourselves a novel!

Excitement aside, I’m going to bite the bullet and get to work tonight. My original idea is going to have to wait a while, so until then, I’ll get into the thick of it. As for games to start with… I have a bit of more good news. Due to a string of events I don’t want to explain at this time, I managed to get a free PS3! I have Prototype, Soul Calibur IV, and Ni No Kuni (which was made by Level 5, same people who made Dark Cloud and Dark Chronicle! I see many simularities so far!) Sounds good, right? I’m still wondering at this moment which game I’ll play, or whether I’ll just go for my PS2 games first…. Grrr…

If any of these new games interest you, please tell me! I intend to do this in earnest, so I do actually need some feedback. I won’t be able to get any more games for months, and if this doesn’t take off immediately, I might lose the possibility of pursuing it further. Any support is welcome.

So that’s all for this update. I should have another one tonight while I’m editing the footage.


Well, Isn’t that Sweet?

Hello again, denizens of the webiverse! I am back again, and have some good(?) news for you all.

I am officially working two jobs now. Yup. Official and all that jazz. i start on thirds Thursday evening. I am excited to pull this off. So excited, in fact, that I’m typing too fast and making lots of typos. I swear, for every letter I type, I hit the backspace button at least once.

In other news……

Wait. That’s all?!

Eh, it seemed like more.

I’ve been playing Okami a lot. It cheers me up when I’m sad. You know, with the amazing soundtrack, stellar story… Anyway.

Now that I have both jobs, and one of them will be producing a sizable amount of moolah, even if the other one offers only scant hours, I should be able to pay off my debt quickly, if not easily. All without getting a loan.

Vlad and my anniversary is coming up. It is the 25th, and we will have been together for 4 years! I’m hoping that I can find something for him that won’t throw me too off with my bills. But what do you buy an adult child who has everything he wants (and the only things i know he likes are waaaaay out of my budget)?!

But, you know, life is going on. I’ve had my ups and downs lately, depression-wise. It’s kind of steady. I just wonder how that will be when Vlad moves to Lexington without me. I haven’t told you guys yet, I bet, but I am not going after all. It’s too much of a risk, and… well… Vlad basically said he’d rather me stay here. I have more here if I need help. So even though I don’t want to be that far away, I guess it’s just something we’ll have to do.

And I haven’t given up on doing let’s plays, either. I don’t have the software or hardware for it yet, but once I save up enough for it, I won’t waste time.

If you have any questions about the new project, or anything else, feel free to ask. When I am conscious again, I will answer!

Wish me luck. I have to stay up all night tonight and half of the day tomorrow to effectively screw up my sleeping patterns again. Third~shifts~!

Why I Hate Social Interaction

Aside from the fact that I am still completely awkward in social situations, I have decided that the main reason I am not social, really, is because I can’t formulate words correctly in everyday speech unless I’m somehow functioning overboard, in which case I sound like a know-it-all who uses thesaurus words like bubble gum. When it comes to talking to people on a day-to-day basis, unless they know me and like the same things I like, or are somewhat awkward like me, I come off as a complete moron. Either that, or a schizophrenic. That was my defense mechanism in school: make them think you’re insane, and they’ll stop asking you to help with their work. It worked, but it made it hard to make any friends.

So what is my strong point, then? Writing. From a young age, I took writing and it made me somewhat normal. Not according to my peers (I would hear things like “what are you writing? what class is that for?” and when I told them I was writing for fun, they would either just look at me like I was stupid, or would ask if there was something wrong with me), but it gave me a relative normality. It got to where my writing outreached my speech. Plus, my voice is a bit annoying, so writing isn’t really the worse of the two means of communication.

In other words, I write much better than I speak, unless certain circumstances are provided, where I need to speak somewhat formally. Perhaps this is another reason why I want to learn Japanese so badly? To be apart of a culture that values intellect more than it’s valued here (at least in the general area in which I live)? A country that places the same amount of focus, if not more, on intelligence as opposed to beauty… It’s a place that haunts my dreams.

Well, that aside, now you understand why I feel much more at home in front of my keyboard than in front of a microphone. I am still riding that wave of excitement and happiness from yesterday, if you can’t tell by how cheerful I’ve written (or is it only I that can tell the difference in mood based off which words I use and how I use them?), so I apologize if what I’ve typed doesn’t seem entirely coherent. I get a bit carried away when I’m excited. It’s the one time that I function just as uselessly in public as when writing.

Last Words

I’m exhausted. And hungry.

Screw it, I’ll eat tomorrow.

I’m off, so I can work on stuff that I had put off (like the next Inspiring Song of the Week, or the photos I’m supposed to edit, or the clothes I need to sew, or the drawings I need to start/finish, or the books and stories I need to work on…

Speaking of books and stories, by the way, I added profiles for the characters of The Door to my dA account. If you are interested in The Door (which at one point I intended to serialize on this site), check in my gallery. On the left side of the gallery page, there are folders. The one that says The Door Hazy Eyed contains the drawings of Galtiere and the bios I have written. Other concept art will be added eventually, I just have to make time for that later.

New Beginnings

Over the course of my life, I discovered that every story I wrote or began writing either foreshadowed something in my life or made me aware of a problem within myself and gave me answers to how to deal with it. The reason I mention this:

I have decided to start an entire story specific to this blog. I will only pray that it doesn’t get plagiarized. The other risk to doing this is loss of control to my other story that I was working on, The Door. Once I finish the ENORMOUS ordeal of editing and applying finishing touches (and finishing the artwork for the cover) I will find a way to publish it, and then will serialize it without fear.

As for the story I am planning to post, by the time I post this, I will likely have several entries already planned. Even if I have to walk to a place with wi-fi, I will post an entry in the story as often as I can.

Also, for anyone wondering where my post regarding the concept art went… even though I put watermarks on it as best I could, I became paranoid that someone could still take them and claim them as their own… and so I took the post down within hours of putting it up…

However, honestly, I don’t think you missed much… I write much better than I draw. Sometimes I just like to see if I can draw the person I see in my head—but it never looks like I imagine (except for very rare cases).

As for details on this story that I’m setting aside for the blog—I don’t have any yet, at the time of this post.

I was listening to a song (or actually, a cover of a song) and I got a glimpse of something during a specific part.

In a different post, I will go into detail on what I mean by that, and I will also have more information on the new story.

To end this post, I thank you for reading, and for following my blog. Please, post a comment. Give me some feedback. Criticism. Requests. Anything, really. I really want to make this interesting for other people, and make it less of a diary that everyone has the key to.

Nina Crowlace

The Door

Imagine, if you will, waking up in the hospital after being beaten almost to death. You can’t remember what happened to bring you to this state. Not long after waking up, you find yourself in what must be a dream, staring down a shadow-like figure that is trying to overpower you.

When you wake up, a month later, after having flat-lined, brought yourself back, and being comatose, you want answers. What was that thing that tried to kill you?

There are people out there who can help you. You must find them, and then learn why they targeted you.

But soon, it’s not just about you. Not moments after you find someone who can help, your family is targeted by these shadow-creatures. Why? And how can you get them back?

Beyond our world is another, filled with human desires that are so strong that they gained countenance and body of their own. They appear as Shadows, wandering sometimes in our world. What is their goal? How can they be stopped? The only knowledge that is readily available is that to get to them, you have to open The Door to their world.


I have decided to post this as a teaser, since I am finally over my writer’s block. Like or comment this post if you want me to post the story.

Why is the name of the blog “My Only Reality” and what does it mean?

When I was a kid, I was terrified that I was crazy. I had few friends, and even then I felt that I was an outcast among them… So I came up with an alternate world. That is where my stories took place. Sooner or later, it felt more like reality than the real thing… and I never wanted to leave it.

Later in life (not by much, admittedly) I was struck  by the feeling that I would never find someone who would love me. I know that sounds pathetic. It was. So, in my alternate world, I would create someone who could be my counterpart. Sure, it was never enough to just write about the perfect man, but it would suffice until I actually found one. This man would not only haunt my thoughts and my paper, but also my dreams. My dreams were already saturated with my Otherworld. In fact, I have a different name in my dreams. I don’t know what it is, but I do (because when I wake up, I don’t know what my name is, and it comes as a shock when I finally figure out my real name).

So this alternate world that was a figment of my mind—but had become much, much more—I began calling it My Only Reality. The dream-man was called Reality, as well.

But I no longer have need for him, because I met him in real life. We have been together for over 3 years.

In essence: My Only Reality has been a part of me. A part of my mind and my heart, and it is a concept that I believe kept me alive in my darkest hours.

Why did I share this Reality with the world?

Why not? It got me through a rough time with its randomness, and if it could distract someone else from the crushing grip of depression, then I feel I have no right to keep it to myself alone.


And, so I end this post with the cutest picture of a baby bat.