Feeling Better Now

I’ve been busier at work. Like, much busier. When I get home, I’m exhausted, mentally. I don’t work fast enough (something’s always wrong, you know? I hate that, but it seems like a pattern here.) so I get pushed a lot by the people I work with. Not physically (most of the time, heh) but still…

But oh well. I’m learning. I can learn fast, but to do the task fast, I have to take my time. And then there are times when I suddenly kick into overdrive (like when I’m angry, or when I’m afraid. In that situation, I could run the entire station by myself for quite a while.) and I bump into people a lot.

I pulled a 10-hour shift today, and can’t fall asleep yet. Mind won’t let me, even though I got very little sleep last night… Come to think of it, I have a sandwich in my car that I forgot to bring in to eat. Never got a bite of it! I had fun at work, though, for the most part–

My thoughts are bouncing around a bit too chaotically. That’s why this seems too jumpy and spastic. I should get off of here before I start typing random stupid stuff. Plus, I have to wake up even earlier tomorrow…

I will try to update tomorrow, but will have company, so if I don’t, don’t worry. I’m not dead. Who knows? Perhaps I’ll stream something. Never know. Might be fun.


(Insert Something Interesting Here)

I have some news, kind of. I was invited to join a group on dA (a metal group ^_^), which is awesome. I don’t know how they came across me, really, but it makes me feel glad that they did. I haven’t posted anything on there in a looong time, other than bios of characters from The Door. With how busy I’ve been lately, I haven’t had the chance to do any artistic things. I haven’t even been able to sing like I used to.

I just realized something. Earlier, when I was asleep, Vlad called me and woke me up and asked me if I had to work Wednesday. I said I wouldn’t know until probably tomorrow. He said to tell him as soon as possible… I just woke up in my mind, just now, typing… and Wednesday is my birthday. Is he planning something?!

Yeah, it takes me a while to wake up, I guess. I have been up for about an hour now… I still need to run to my mom’s house and spend some time with her before I go to that work-meeting. It will be the first time in quite a while that I attend a work-meeting. I’m a bit excited, which I suppose is a bit funny. However, to those of you who don’t understand what a joy it is to have a job, no matter how “lowly” it may seem, the simple fact is that it is a privilege to work. Especially here of late. Sometime next month, the company that my cousin works at will suddenly shut down. The employees don’t even know when their last day will be. I understand how terrifying it is to be without a job, and I know that time goes on, even when we need it to slow down for us.

I guess I’ve been jumping all over the place in this post, but I am truly at a strange place right now. I keep dreaming about that manga, and I think about it right before I go to sleep, and right when I wake up. Do you understand just how weird that is for me? Rarely do even my OWN stories get me this worked up. It’s terrifyingly amazing.

However, in my last post, I said that it was causing me heart pains. That was most likely a coincidence. I called my doctor and he told me that it was probably too much caffeine. Which I guess could be plausible. I drink nothing but water, since it’s the only thing I have in the house. I get to work and immediately drown myself in caffeinated drinks. Usually it doesn’t bother me, seriously, but if that is what it is, it won’t happen anymore. However, if it persists, I guess we could call those instances panic attacks?

Anyway, sorry if I didn’t make sense much throughout this post. After all, I just woke up, and I will probably forget entirely that I wrote this in about thirty minutes. So…

When did I write this?

Here’s Hoping

Well, here we are again. I woke up just a little while ago, and now I’m about to take some z-quil to go back to sleep. Hopefully, when I get up, I’ll have enough time to do everything I need to do, and then feel like sleeping when I am done. Seriously.

Also, I am making a pizza to eat while I wait for the medicine to kick in. You don’t really realize how little you’ve eaten until you put it in perspective. I haven’t eaten in at least 12 hours, and if I don’t eat before I go to sleep, it will probably have been about 24 hours. But, being as how I have been following that pattern for weeks now, I find it hard to notice.

I wonder if it is normal to simply not want to eat anymore– this coming from an emotional eater. Even my boyfriend commented that I was getting lighter when he picked me up. He kept hoisting me around “So light!” He kept saying. “Are you hollow?”

I sighed and nodded and he hugged me and said sorry.

If it weren’t for him and my mom, I wouldn’t have eaten anything at all, barely, since I lost my job over a month ago. As for those two jobs whose interviews went so well, neither have called me back yet, so I have to go into Persistent Mode.

That is my plan for tomorrow, put in more applications, and show up at both places. One, if I am tenacious enough, will give me the job immediately, but the other requires paperwork, a drug test, and a background check– all of which don’t bother me. The worst blemish on my record is being fired. But that’s why I’m having trouble. Which is sad.

So, here’s hoping that, thanks to z-quil, I will be able to get some sleep at night, for a change, and get a job tomorrow. After all, I like posting good news here. It sucks to not have any.