Never Been This Happy to be This Tired

I’m home from work, making something to eat before I pass out. I have a feeling that I will sleep well tonight. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve weathered this storm, and, although I’m not out of it, I can see the sun peaking through the clouds ahead. And I think I’ll pray tonight about my dreams. I work again tomorrow, and sleeping worth nothing won’t help me perform well. I need to sleep like the dead– not dream of them.

I hope my appetite comes back, too. Over the past month, ever since I lost my job, I not was not only unable to sleep well, but eat, as well. If my mom and my boyfriend hadn’t fed me, I would have probably eaten once per two days– as it was, I was eating perhaps once or twice a day. Light-headed-ness is commonplace, as is constant fatigue and the inability to eat more than a few bites at a time, most times.

That is coming from the person who can eat like a pig normally. I am a speedy and vicious eater. Eating is my comfort– and I pretty much stopped eating altogether, something I never thought I would do. I just didn’t desire food, and knew that all I had was ramen. Ramen is good, you know, but when you eat it every meal for weeks it gets really gross. I realized I could barely taste anything I ate anymore. I was depressed, and comfort food was no longer an option. I have lost weight! I looked in the mirror this morning and did a double take. I look good! Not emaciated, just slightly less pudgy.

Anyway, I’m mostly just typing so I don’t fall asleep and let the pot boil itself empty. But I’m shaking too hard to fall asleep– why am I shaking?!– so I don’t need to worry.

So, thank you to everyone who has supported me! You really have no idea how much it means to me. I feel like I am part of a family, here. I have been welcomed– something that I practically never feel in real life (other than meeting my in-laws. I am blessed in that aspect).


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