I sincerely apologize to everyone who follows my blog—I know it seems I’ve neglected the site, but I didn’t really have a choice… I no longer have regular Internet connection, and, in the future, I will probably have to hang out in restaurants to use their wi-fi to do these posts.
I won’t make excuses, really, because it would be pointless to. My personal life is not really interesting (lol) and it would be too tiring to type it out.
As for the title of this post, I want to focus on the fact that life goes on without us, sometimes. I for one get stuck on a single thought sometimes (frequently, actually) and sit there, dwelling on it, hating the past and getting worked up about it—and before I know it, hours have passed with me staring into space.
It would be a relief, honestly, if I was the only person in the world who does this, but reality dictates that if one person suffers an affliction, there are others out there who suffer the same thing. I don’t like the idea that self hatred and anguish is everywhere, even if it is thoroughly disguised.
My point is that I’m sure I’m not the only one who suffers from depression. My way of dealing with the problem is ignoring it, distracting myself with video games, my books, and other things that give me joy. And, sure, none of those things are bad, but when I need to confront my problems, I’m left bare, feeling naked and helpless, realizing that I’m not even a half of a step closer to where I need to be.
In other words, I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to change myself.
I can hear you grumbling under your breath: “Why do I care? What does this have to do with anything? Why are you boring us with this pathetic post?”
Well, in rebuttal, I offer this: I want to help people who are in the same boat. If you feel this doesn’t apply to you, you’re free to leave. However, even if it doesn’t apply to you, I urge you to take into consideration the people around you, anyone you care about (if that doesn’t apply to you, I’m truly sorry) and think to yourself, what if this could help them in a time of need?
That is what I want to appeal to. I want to appeal to the people who don’t know where to go from here. The ones who find themselves feeling alone in a room full of people. The ones who don’t understand what is wrong with them, and want to know where to go.
Since I am struggling, I know the pains associated therein… And since I am finally deciding to turn off my tv, put down my pens, and face my damned problems, I decided that that might give hope to someone else out there, even if it is just one person. I want to post things on this site that, perhaps, will give someone a sense of direction. Also, this will motivate me to move on. After all, if I remained in my rut, how would that look? I believe in integrity, meaning I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. If I were to, after posting this, go home and play Star Ocean, I would be negating all the typing I’ve done just now.
There is so much left that I want to say, and so much left that needs to be said, but my time for today is running out. I need to return to my house, where there is no Internet. So, in conclusion, I am going to leave you with something that will at least lift your spirits a little…